Imagine a parallel universe where you're running wild through the sun-stricken streets of Baghdad, masterfully dodging street vendors and camel humps, with one mission and one mission only: to pet the city’s feral cats. And alas, in a moment of surrealism, you realise that this isn't the work of hallucinogenic substances but the world of Assassin's Creed Mirage.
Recently, the scuttlebutt on the (virtual) street was a Tweet from the Assassin's Creed official account, providing some insights into gamer's activities since launch just six days prior. Among numerous eyebrow-raising revelations, there was a figure that stood out like a sore thumb: players have pet only 1.2 million street cats. Cue the palpable shockwaves across the gaming universe.
"You may ask, why the furball apocalypse?" Well, considering the scale of parkouring that's been happening in virtual Baghdad – a whopping total of 479 collective years - the proportion of serotonin-inducing cat pets is somewhat dire. On top of that, our fleet-footed gamers have taken an astounding 60 million leaps of faith, showcasing their daring acrobatics, but apparently, stopping to stroke a purring kitty isn’t on the agenda. Better check your lives’ priorities, peeps.
To underscore the inadequacy of these figures, let's add some interspecies comparison: remember Ghost of Tsushima? Well, its Gary-Stu players managed to give a superb 10 million foxes a loving pat within the first ten days of the game's 2020 launch. That's right, foxy folks. Whether it’s a testament to better digital wildlife petting protocols or simply a preference for bushy tailed vulpine over felines, it’s something individual Assassin's Creed Mirage players will have to confront in their respective mirrors.
On a lighter note, there's a captivating easter egg hidden in Assassin's Creed Mirage's furry alleyways, further encouraging some dedicated petting. A certain feline, adorned with the iconic Assassin’s Creed logo naturally printed on its face, is patiently waiting to be discovered. Thanks to a heart-warming gamer backstory unearthed on Reddit, it turns out this particular cat is a doppelgänger of an IRL pet belonging to a fan of the game. Aw, Ubisoft, you softies!
Our gaming friends seems to be wholly engrossed in hero Basim's dramatic transformation from overbearing villain to an endearing buddy. However, perhaps it's about time to shake off the adrenaline of gravity-defying leaps and focus your affections a bit closer to the ground. So next time you're wandering the virtual streets, give that stray kitty a little love, won't you? They do say that the smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention, and trust us, the feline population of Baghdad will thank you.
Assassin's Creed Mirage players - up your game. More kneading, less leaping.
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