A bold Starfield pirate shows off what hoarding toilet paper in the game can truly achieve: a lavish (and soft!) toilet paper throne!

A Starfield Pirate's Throne of Toilet Paper Glory

Alright folks, gather 'round, for I've got a tale to tell about a daring, hygienically-minded space pirate from Bethesda's Starfield, who prefers a cushy throne of toilet paper rolls to piling up rusty cutlery or gold-tier weapons.

Bethesda, maker of immersive role-playing games (or RPGs if you're in the know), has found players have a curious obsession with hoarding virtual odds and ends. From silverware in Skyrim, to rusty tin cans in Fallout, to now, a criminal amount of toilet paper in the star-soaked playground of Starfield.

One such pirate has taken the art of hoarding to astronomical heights, using hundreds of TP rolls as centerpiece in his spaceship, creating a literal throne room. General Jackass, as he identifies on Reddit, remarked, "Some Pirates take valuables, others steal TP from all over the Settled Systems. Behold my quilted hoard!"

While the concept of a king on a porcelain throne is chuckle-worthy (especially when said throne is next to two actual bathrooms), one can't help but wonder what the rest of the Starfield universe thinks of this TP monopoly. "Somebody suffered in the great TP shortage of 2020," jested a fellow Redditor and likely victim of this cosmic TP heist.

In the grand tradition of oddities hoarded in Bethesda's games, these Starfield buccaneers have filled their ships to the brim with assorted bric-a-brac, from lowly potatoes to gourmet sandwiches. But is there such a thing as too much when it comes to hoarding?

General Jackass explains, "It’s been many hours of collecting TP (at this point I value a box full of TP over a gold-tier weapon!)" He spent a couple of hours, accompanied by favorite podcasts, diligently stacking his pilfered treasure. His efforts resulted in a cozy throne assembled out of 235 toilet paper rolls. And he isn't stopping there – he plans to continue expanding his cushiony empire.

Even though placing and arranging items in Starfield can quickly turn into a nerve-wracking exercise, our toilet roll god seems unfazed. He defends his process, "I found it pretty meditative and I used to stack coins like this as a kid, so it was interesting trying to do it without the tactile feel."

So, gamers, if you're in the mood for more traditional pirate looting (i.e., the kind that doesn’t involve bathroom supplies), you can explore Starfield’s secret “gold mine” location. For everyone else amused by such quirks, lose yourself in our list of best Starfield mods for the exciting and bonkers stuff. Take heed, though, who knows what bizarre hoarding trend General Jackass might start next. Perhaps, a spaceship constructed entirely of space potatoes!

Author Image

Adam Devine

Hey, it's Adam Devine here! When I'm not out and about, you can bet I'm either casting a line, hoping for the biggest catch, or lounging at home, delivering some epic fatalities in Mortal Kombat. Life's all about the thrill of the catch and the perfect combo move. Whether I'm battling fish or virtual foes, it's all in a day's fun for me. Let's get reel and play on!

Post Comments

You must be logged in to post a comment!